June292009
6/26/09 - Gifts from Krissy.
One night, not long after I started tango, I asked Krissy to dance with me. I didn’t notice at the time, that the tanda I had chosen was a difficult set of milongas. Fast-paced and irregular.
When I started stumbling, I panicked.
Should we wait for the next set? I asked her.
But she held on to me,
Let’s do this, now that we are already on the dance floor.
***
A few weeks later, we were practicing back ochos in class.
She looked at my footwork, Can I offer you a suggestion?
It’s a small detail, she continued. But you want to try to keep your legs extended when you are shifting weight from one to another.
Offer. Suggestion.
These words coming from a dancer I so admire.
She could have easily just told me what to do and I would have listened. Gratefully.
Stunned by her gentleness, all I could do was nod.
***
Learning to lead has been difficult for me. Unlike with following, I am often unsure of how to use my body in the role. Several times I felt like giving up, but I kept trying because of Krissy.
It’s problem-solving. It’s trouble-shooting, she would help me name the obstacles then guide me step by step to resolution. With her, every challenge became manageable.
Last Friday,
we had what was probably our last private lesson for the time being.
I have something for you. A mysterious grin on her face.
Mint, thyme, chives, and rosemary. Fresh herbs from her back porch.
… and a beautiful pair of tango shoes.
***
As we walked through the streets on the way back from dinner, Krissy turned to me, Do you ever get sudden flashbacks?
All the time.
I remember sensations.
Completely. Involuntarily. Obsessively.
You?
She smiled, The other day I was running across the street. I had this feeling of being a child again. When I was a little girl, I was always playing. Always, always playing. I never got tired. I would run around everywhere, feeling so big, feeling like I owned the world.
It’s been a few days, I am still turning that image in my head.
***
It was hot as hell in those days… Science calls it the world before life began - the Hadean period. But life had begun, because life is more than the ability to reproduce. In the molten lava spills and cratered rocks, life longed for life. The proto, the almost, the maybe. Not Venus. Not Mars. Earth.
Planet Earth, that wanted life so badly, she got it.
…What limits? There are none.
— Jeanette Winterson
***
Certain things haven’t changed.
The world is still yours.
